For card details, including graphics and contents, please see the individual card pages elsewhere in the shop.

Supplied with envelope in cellophane wrapper. Message in card reads "Can't Bear Abstract Expressionism". Poem on rear as follows:

Degrees in art, pretentious words
Twats in cravats, O how absurd
Swishes, splatters, empty scenes
Random crap called 'Art', I mean
Seriously, c'mon, what the fuck
The only impression I got was
You're clueless, useless, peddling a farce
So stick that price tag up your arse

Supplied with envelope in cellophane wrapper. Message in card reads "Can't Bear Myself". Poem on rear as follows:

I'm bitter, twisted, cruel and green
I'm spiteful, sordid and obscene
I've filth in mind and a mouth of dirt
And with these words I'll see you hurt
Cuz I've darkened thoughts and sickly dreams
You shouldn't trust someone like me
Just as you are you, I am but me
A spoilt little shit, you see

Supplied with envelope in cellophane wrapper. Message in card reads "Can't Bear Birthdays". Poem on rear as follows:

The cake, the candles, pretty bows
Relatives, friends I don't care to know
This bitter list goes on and on
O how I hate that fucking song
So pass the parcel, make your toast
"... but wait a minute, where's the host?"
Oh yeah, that's me, I've upped and left
To birthday beat myself to death

Supplied with envelope in cellophane wrapper. Message in card reads "Can't Bear Birthdays". Poem on rear as follows:

Birthdays come but once a year
The stomach turns and mind breeds fear
The door bell rings and in they come
Bearing shitty gifts and then some
So I draw a smile on my face
"Thanks a bunch, just what I hate"
Best get the cake, I've got my wish
For you to give next year a miss